4th grade. That’s when I remember the first time being self conscience. I remember standing looking at my new glasses and thinking how ugly I was. Anyone else have that moment? I think since then, I’ve fought with myself. Me. Not anyone else. I’m 35, that’s a long time of going without loving yourself, but here we are. I remember thinking that last line to myself about a month ago. I was in therapy and my therapist (shout out to Courtney, because I wouldn’t be writing this without her) said to me, something like, “You have to find out with your “I AM” is.” To me, that was “I AM ENOUGH”. I’d always said those words about everything, but it was never I AM ENOUGH. It was always I AM NOT ENOUGH. When she said those words for some reason it clicked. I totally got it at that moment and understood that I am enough. It no longer mattered what anyone said or thought. That belief system was going to be what directed me into my next journey.
I’ll go back a couple years to explain how I got to this place. Which has basically been my whole life. I went through the majority of my life never feeling like things were enough. Doesn’t matter where the pressure came from, it was there. Looks, grades, work, whatever it was, it just wasn’t enough for everyone. But, do you see what I said there…everyone. Why did I care? Why was that the bar that I was trying to get too? The main person that I needed to make sure that I was taking care of was myself, and that’s something I never did. For 35 years, I’ve been concerned with what everyone else was thinking, doing, caring, when really, it was me I should’ve been worrying about.
Which leads me to my next subject, leaping. 6 years ago I took a huge leap and left a really toxic and bad relationship. One day, I’ll tell my story about that, but for now, I’ll say this. Without that leap, I wouldn’t be leaping into my business again. I wouldn’t be pushing myself to be a better person, and I wouldn’t be able to write this blog post. I’m sure you’ll be seeing a little bit of a shift in the blog, my posts, and my website some. I want to be able to share my journey with life, which is what I want my photography to portray. I think sometimes we only show the good parts of life, but without the bad, we wouldn’t have all those good parts. So my goal for this year, is to show you all of it, and I hope you enjoy it. I also hope that you find things that you love to do. I hope you find the passion that makes you push yourself. I hope you realize that you are enough, and I hope you find your “I AM” and say it daily.
The photo above is of me, looking in the mirror and realizing, I AM ENOUGH. It doesn’t matter if people like me, or not, because I do. And that’s what is really the most important.